why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
