how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
