We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
