I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
