They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize