please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
