I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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