just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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