loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
