ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
