I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize