Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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