It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
