U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You left your phone here
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