We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
