I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
