i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize