so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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