I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
