Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
