You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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