Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
