Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i think im in europe. pls send help
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
