is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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