Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
