Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
