I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were trust falling into bushes
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
