i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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