so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
