how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
