i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
