Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
