He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
cat food counts as protein by the way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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