check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
