He had one of those small greek statue penises
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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