The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
