Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
