So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
