who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
