every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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