...so i touched it.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Randomize