I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
