actually, I'm a sock model
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
