She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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