I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
