im holly from the hills drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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