I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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