She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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