You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
