Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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