hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
