Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize