you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
