you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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