Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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