I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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