I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
