physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
