Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
