areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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