You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
