oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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