guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize