i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
