the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
