just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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