i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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