is your mom at the bar?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
