She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
