just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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