He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have feelings that need drinking.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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