Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Where is the hickey?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
