I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Me too!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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