OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
