Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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