I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
