I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
