Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
