dude i'm inner monologue high
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
