now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
