i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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