I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
