my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex on a dog bed..
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i think i just lost a toe
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