cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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