I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
