Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
