I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
