okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize