vagina is talking i cant
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
