Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
