you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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