He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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