he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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