SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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