just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
