Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
