I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
