Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
