well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We're too hungover to prance.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
