You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
