before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
