Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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