what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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