then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize